i will never coherently bang her
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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