Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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