I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can you bring me the toilet please
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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