i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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