At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Be still, my beating vagina.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
