toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
