I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
