I puked a lego.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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