his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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