my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
