508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
