Quick, to the slutcave!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're breaking my sexual little heart
FUCK WHALES
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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