Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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