Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
