if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
