Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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