God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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