hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
