Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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