I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
