smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
