Im at strip club and am horny
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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