You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
