theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
