you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
