Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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