when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
