you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
