We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
