Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
