Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
