if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
