When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
