There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
