i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
