When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
