i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
