Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
