just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
