My first STD was from a foam party
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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