SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
