I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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