I can text with my tongue
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
