Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am spending my child support on dildos
ugly people sure do ruin things
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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