you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
