I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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