I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
