After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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