I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
