Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
