just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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