someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
