Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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