yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
