the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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