He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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