So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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